Hi! I am really glad you’re here. Today’s post is about something I’ve been wanting to write about for a while now- friendships. Specifically finding new friends in your 20s.
I just turned 25 and recently found myself in the strange post-college life friendship grey area that I think is a lot more common than it feels. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and what I realized is actually pretty simple. I don’t think there has ever been a time in my life where it has been necessarily difficult to make friends. If you’re feeling like making friends was easier in the past for you too, it might just be because situationally there were a lot more opportunities to make friends when we were younger.
In elementary school, it’s easy to make friends with anyone. I swear you could walk up to anyone and become best friends minutes later. Then in middle school, I had my core group of friends and loved them all so much. Some of those friendships didn’t make it to high school but a few solid ones did. I also made some amazing new friends in high school. We were together all the time in classes, studied together for tests, would craft for hours on weekends, and I just felt like we were always together!
Moving to college was hard, and I remember being so sad to leave all my friends, but luckily I still talk to my closest ones today. I was assigned randomly to a quad my freshman year of college, which meant two things- I had one corner of a small room to myself but also had three immediate possible friends waiting for me. Randomly assigned roommates doesn’t work out for everyone, but I was very lucky in my college roommates, and that is something I am still very grateful for. Two of them became my best friends, and we did everything together.
I chose to give this background information because to me, having a core group of authentic and wonderful friends was always something really important to me and something I prided myself on having. I knew they were always in my corner and we were each other’s support system.
But the funny thing is, eventually, just like elementary, middle, and high school, college comes to a close, and you get ready to walk the stage. The college bubble pops, and you’re out in the real world. Suddenly you’re faced with big decisions, real expenses, student loan debt, full-time employment, and whether or not you’re ready your lifestyle changes. Sometimes the friends you were so close with and thought would always be in your life start to not really feel like your people anymore. I think a lot of this has to do with how much growth happens in this post college life.
I am very lucky to still have a lot of friends from my hometown and a childhood best friend that I know is always there for me. However, if you’ve had a similar post college experience, it can be very daunting realizing that you don’t have a core set of friends in your area anymore. Especially when at one point you were inseparable. Friendship breakups happen, and they are way more common than I realized.
Ultimately, it left me wanting a core group of friends in the area I live in now. But the question was very apparent that I think a lot of 20-something-year-olds are facing. Where the hell do I meet people my age in a non-creepy way lol. I am not in school anymore, so they won’t be in my classes. I don’t really go to many places other than my job, the gym, and the grocery store. For months I went to bed wondering if I would ever make friends in my area.
I broke the rest of this post into the 5 ways I made friends in my area so it is a little easier to read, especially if you like to skim like me! I hope any of these ways help you as much as they helped me!
1. Work
After college I got a job working as a special education teacher at a middle school in their behavior program. I met two of my really good friends to this day at that job! I was so nervous being a young new teacher that I wouldn’t click with anyone at the school but boy was a wrong. I definitely recommend just being yourself! I know it sounds cliche but the people you want in your life will be attracted to your authenticity. Work is also where you spend A LOT of your time so if you can find some friends there, it will make your days so much better!
2. Gym Classes
About a year and a half ago I really wanted to start working on myself. I was not happy with how I was eating or what I looked like. I always wanted to join a gym in my area but I had so much anxiety about where to go and felt like everyone would be staring at me. Once I finally felt more confident going, I really wanted to try some of the classes the YMCA in my area offered. I started going to a Monday night circuit HIIT class. I was really nervous going to my first class but the teacher paired me with a really nice girl who was a regular. She was so sweet and made me feel a lot more comfortable being there. I started going every week for a little over a year and before I knew it I was that regular helping other newbies start out! I am also still friends with that girl to this day. If you are a gym member and have access to any classes, I definitely recommend trying them out! You might end up meeting some friends your age.
3. Jenna Palek’s Fun On Weekdays Facebook Account
One night when I was spiraling about never finding friends in my area I joined Jenna Palek’s Fun on Weekdays Facebook account. Girls from all over the country post on this page and basically share tips on anything and everything. It is a great place to find girls who live in your city! I would look at it every day and no one ever posted from my state until one night someone posted from not only my state, but she was moving to my town! I instantly messaged her, and we met up soon after for a walk at a cute park nearby. We are still friends to this day. I definitely recommend joining the Facebook page and searching for your state or city. You never know what friendships you could make! 🙂
4. TikTok/Heylo Groups
Soon after that, two girls on TikTok in Rhode Island (where I live) posted that they were starting Heylo group chats for girls in the area who wanted to connect. They were also noticing how challenging it can be to make friends, so they created these chats to help! If you live in RI too, definitely check them out. One is called IRL socials RI, and the other is called Rhody Social Club. Both creators host super cute events where you can meet up with girls in the area. I went to a dance class event that was super fun, and I met a lot of nice girls. One girl posted on one of the pages that she lived in my town, so we met up, and have become good friends since!
I definitely recommend looking up heylo groups in your area. You might be able to find similar ones!
5. Volunteer
Every year I volunteer at a fundraiser for a non-profit in my area. This past year at the event I met a really nice girl who was also volunteering! We meet up every month for dinner now and it just goes to show that getting out there and volunteering can be a great way to make friends that have similar interests as you. We also do this really helpful (perhaps very type A thing of us) where at the end of our monthly dinner we pull out our calendars and set a date for our next. It helps us to both stay consistent and it works because I definitely see her more than any of my other new friends. Even if you want to meet up more often with friends it can be very hard to actually be intentional about planning times to hang out. Life gets busy and it can be difficult to manage a social life on top of everything else! This trick helps us stay more consistent and I definitely recommend it!
I hope this post gave you some good ideas on how you can make new friends in your 20s. If you have been struggling I hope this was a good reminder that you’re not alone and it’s not always easy to make friends nowadays. Just remember to be yourself and put yourself out there. I believe in you! 🙂
